Six family members suffering exhaustion bordering on hangover from one busy and stressful baptism weekend.
One water line leak requiring one water shut-off and at least one backhoe.
Two baby wardrobe changes before 10am.
One three-year-old reporting the sighting of one big, black snake with three words you’ve just got to take seriously: “I’m not wyin’.”
One mommy, one grandma, and two boys’ witness of said snake slithering out of a basket of toys and into a pile of same.
Memories of similar snakes seen just outside the house on three separate occasions recently.
Yesterday’s specimen.
Three doors shut tight all day in the interest of keeping said snake out of the rest of the house.
At least one prayer of thanksgiving for not having an open floor plan.
One sink and one counter full of dirty dishes which could not be properly cleaned due to water issues and I-just-don’t-want-to-deal issues.
One mama who gave up around 11am.
One desperate trip to a McDonald’s drive-through and a car wash, to nourish (gag) and entertain little boys and to facilitate Mommy’s escape from snake and brown tap water.
One long detour home in the hope of car seat naps for all.
Two minutes of success in that department before baby woke up.
Two books read to three-year-old before Mommy fell asleep sitting up, prompting illiterate boy to say, “Don’t worry. I’ll just wead it myself.”
Approximately 128 nursing sessions and 13 bottles.
Precisely zero naps lasting longer than 30 minutes for the two-month-old.
One big brother whispering sweet nothings to his baby.
Too many hours of mommy staring numbly at the computer screen, aimless and uninspired.
Two slices of key lime pie consumed with loving attention.
Two meals served in front of the television to facilitate said numb internet surfing and pie eating.
One stellar husband prodding pile after pile of stuff with a broom handle in search of the snake.
Zero snakes uncovered.
One sigh of relief – no, wait! – one shudder of horror that the snake could not be located.
Two thrilled/frightened little boys gotten ready for bed with assurances that “No, snakes do not hide in toilets.”
One hard cider sipped over the course of three hours.
Two parents… who can… hardly… keep their… eyes… open…
And yet will still diligently search their bedroom for snakes before going to sleep.
These Walls 
Oh Julie………..I have been there and am so sorry. PLEASE know you could pile everyone up and just come here to my house. You could have used the crib, the toys, the kitchen, the snake-free toilets, the high chair, the TV, an hopefully just a little respite from your worries. I hate snakes….and anyone who chimes in talking about how they are good for the environment, help the rat population, or were here first or whatever can go stick a sock in it!!! I hate snakes. HOWEVER, Tom hates them even more. He screams like a baby. Hope your days get easier. I do have someone who says he can get rid of anything including snakes in a house. If you are interested let me know. Harmless products. We have zero ants or bugs, and very few stink bugs. He did come to get rid of snakes too.
Thank you! We’d love to get that contact from you!
OH MAN. That’s horrible!!! I hope he just slithers out and on his way to leave you guys alone!
ME TOO!
Wait, so you never found the critter? You are so brave, or crazy. You could not make me sleep in the house until it was found and it’s skin mounted on the wall as a warning to the other snakes.
Aargh, I meant its the possessive!! Stupid auto correct. And yes, I’m so neurotic that I needed to make it clear that I don’t have poor grammar.
I’m the same way. 😉
Ha! And nope! We’ve had two more sightings (thankfully, both outside), but still haven’t caught the blasted thing. I’m a little nervous, but I keep reminding myself that in old houses like this these kinds of things are inevitable. So I just need to be TOUGH.