Six family members suffering exhaustion bordering on hangover from one busy and stressful baptism weekend.
One water line leak requiring one water shut-off and at least one backhoe.
Two baby wardrobe changes before 10am.
One three-year-old reporting the sighting of one big, black snake with three words you’ve just got to take seriously: “I’m not wyin’.”
One mommy, one grandma, and two boys’ witness of said snake slithering out of a basket of toys and into a pile of same.
Memories of similar snakes seen just outside the house on three separate occasions recently.
Three doors shut tight all day in the interest of keeping said snake out of the rest of the house.
At least one prayer of thanksgiving for not having an open floor plan.
One sink and one counter full of dirty dishes which could not be properly cleaned due to water issues and I-just-don’t-want-to-deal issues.
One mama who gave up around 11am.
One desperate trip to a McDonald’s drive-through and a car wash, to nourish (gag) and entertain little boys and to facilitate Mommy’s escape from snake and brown tap water.
One long detour home in the hope of car seat naps for all.
Two minutes of success in that department before baby woke up.
Two books read to three-year-old before Mommy fell asleep sitting up, prompting illiterate boy to say, “Don’t worry. I’ll just wead it myself.”
Approximately 128 nursing sessions and 13 bottles.
Precisely zero naps lasting longer than 30 minutes for the two-month-old.
One big brother whispering sweet nothings to his baby.
Too many hours of mommy staring numbly at the computer screen, aimless and uninspired.
Two slices of key lime pie consumed with loving attention.
Two meals served in front of the television to facilitate said numb internet surfing and pie eating.
One stellar husband prodding pile after pile of stuff with a broom handle in search of the snake.
Zero snakes uncovered.
One sigh of relief – no, wait! – one shudder of horror that the snake could not be located.
Two thrilled/frightened little boys gotten ready for bed with assurances that “No, snakes do not hide in toilets.”
One hard cider sipped over the course of three hours.
Two parents… who can… hardly… keep their… eyes… open…
And yet will still diligently search their bedroom for snakes before going to sleep.